I had finished teaching a yoga class and stopped by a restaurant for some food to take home. It was around 1990 and for the last few weeks, I noticed I was driving around Santa Fe not wearing a seatbelt. I remember thinking it was odd, but I was not concerned. After leaving the restaurant, I decided to buckle up. A few blocks later, a car turned directly in front of me with no chance to avoid hitting them head-on. It was a rather huge crash that totaled the car and knocked the turban off my head. Nothing was broken or bleeding, but I was pretty shaken up and agreed to go to the hospital to be checked out. They only found soft-tissue damage. I called a friend who picked me up and took me to her home to recover.

Arriving at her home, she gave me an extra room. Within minutes I began to weep like a baby. Uncontrollably sobbing, crying, and feeling lost. This went on for two days then it was over. Something in me was released, freed. I did not know the meaning of the accident, of the seatbelt, and the deep release of emotions, until I could ask a friend who was qualified. Upon hearing my story, he simply said it was a death implant.

A death implant he explained, happened in a typical western household where the man (husband) was not emotionally available to serve the needs of the mother (wife). The reasons include men who are shut off from their emotions, men who immerse themselves in work, men who believe success is a measure of external things (like cars), and men who are still trying to get approval from their fathers. All these situations and more make western men unable to support their wives’ emotional needs.

With this frame, the mother turns to her first-born male baby. Unconsciously, the mother wants the infant son to fill the emotional needs the husband is avoiding. The infant boy refuses. The mother tells the infant son she protects him, feeds him, and provides what is needed to survive. She then says she will withhold all these things and he will die. Resisting at first, the infant son eventually gives in to the threat of death. This creates the death implant. Some women have also received a death implant as an infant.

There are three ways the implant can be removed. By an accident, a disease, or serious health challenge. When the man faces death through one of these events, the implant can be broken. None of these are pleasant or easy options. It seems my car accident was the least deadly and quickest way for me to break the implant.

The illustration was made when I meditated to understand, process, and finally, be free. After the simple sketch above, I then repeated the design and added color to give this dramatic event a more creative expression.



We all have challenges from our time as infants. These events happened before our intelligence developed, meaning, we can never understand with our mind, thoughts, or words. Remember, as an infant, we did not use words and were not conscious of our thoughts. Words and thoughts cannot bring us to awareness or understanding. A non-verbal experience, like my car accident, can break a death implant.

This is one of the many great benefits of meditation. To penetrate what is beyond words and thoughts, to a place of profound healing. 

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